Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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