i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
