hotel room ftw
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
