If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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