tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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