Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
