brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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