Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
