You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
