thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
