Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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