I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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