Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
