dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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