The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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