he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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