Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
my liver is dry heaving
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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