Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Soap is not a condiment
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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