i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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