I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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