I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
