I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
