I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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