Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
