I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
