I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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