her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
