I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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