How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
