matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
