And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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