I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
