Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
