The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
