Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
