Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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