i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
