Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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