After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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