I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
