she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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