Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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