I wanna bring you to show and tell
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
