It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
