I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
