I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
