I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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