I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
