I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
