Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
