You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
