Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
