At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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